The Krofft Brothers Are P.O.'d

You watch Lost or you have at least once. How do I know this? Because everyone does or has. I resisted, kind of, for a season. Now I'm hooked on the eternal Lost mindscrew. The Muse kept telling me how good it was. The pitcher on my softball team tapes it because our games are Wednesday night. My aunt The Nurse watches. Last May, I went to San Diego to see much of my family and I hadn't been able to watch the season finale. The Nurse, my brothers The Philosopher and Intensio and my sister-in-law The Organizer could barely contain themselves from talking about the finale in front of me. It is a cultural phenomenon, people.

What you all should know, though, is that Sid & Marty Krofft are going to be coming for Lost's highly profitable butt. Why? Because they thought of it first. They put Land of the Lost in 1974 and they are going to want a pound of flesh. Don't believe me? Check it out:

ABANDONED IN SOME KIND OF WEIRD JUNGLE PLACE? Check.

STRANDED DURING A ROUNTINE EXPEDITION? Check.

Lost: Flights from Australia to L.A. are pretty routine. I mean, Rain Man loved Qantas, right? (I have always liked the word Qantas. Good for Q, throwing off the shackles of U's co-dependent oppression.)

Land of the Lost: Not that I take my kids when I take rafting trips to explore the jungle, but the theme song did say it was a "routine expedition."

MAROONED THERE BY A CATACLYSM? Check.

Lost: Crash of Oceanic Flight 815.

Land of the Lost: "The greatest earthquake of them all," at least according to the theme song.

STRANGE BUG-EYED AND EVIL PRIOR RESIDENTS? Check.

Lost: Henry Gale, the Others guy.

Land of the Lost: The Sleestaks.


WEIRD, BUT HELPFUL, PRIOR RESIDENT? Check.


Lost: Desmond.


Land of the Lost: Cha-Ka.

SELF-APPOINTED LEADER WITH A GOD COMPLEX? Check.

Lost: Jack (Wouldn't it be funny if Jack from 24 switched places with Jack from Lost? I'll bet Sawyer wouldn't be so mouthy any more. Jack Bauer would mess him up. Jack from Lost would be dead in five minutes on 24.)

Land of the Lost: Marshall (well, he was the dad, so I guess he wasn't so self-appointed)

TENSE TRIANGULAR RELATIONSHIP? Check.

Lost: Jack, Kate and Sawyer (although, God, I wish they would give that a rest).

Land of the Lost: Marshall, Will and Holly (sibling rivalry can suck).

RANDOM CREATURES WANDERING THE JUNGLE PERIODICALLY THREATENING THE LOSTIES? Check.

Lost: Polar bears, smoke monsters, etc.


Land of the Lost: Stop-motion dinosaurs.

STRANGE PORTALS INTO THE REGULAR WORLD? Check.

Lost: I mean, how did Mr. Ecko's brother get into that plane? Some serious space-time issue was going on there.

Land of the Lost: They could open portals by stirring crystals or something.

So do you think all of this is a coincidence? To quote one of the greatest things that I have ever heard a child say, "I doubt it." And I think Sid & Marty Krofft doubt it, too. They will be coming for J.J. Abrams' and ABC's sorry butts. After all, they sued the pants off of McDonald's when McDonald's ripped off H.R. Pufnstuf. (See Sid & Marty Krofft Television Productions, Inc. v. McDonald's Corp. (9th Cir.) 562 F.2d 1157.) Watch your back, Lost.