Well, That's Unexpected

There are some things you never expect to see. Unicorns. Dogs and cats coming together in peace. Paris Hilton with a book. Dick Cheney in public.

Well, I'm here to tell you that these things are not impossible because I saw just as impossible just the other day in my gym's parking lot. Now let me set the scene. Our little town here is pretty darn liberal. In 2000, Ralph Nader got more votes for President than George W. Bush. Not only that, but we have a college here. You put the two things together and the logical result is that there are a lot of Volvos here. There are many, many Volvos here. And not just Volvos, but Volvo station wagons. And not just Volvo station wagons, but Volvo station wagons with lots of bumper stickers on the back.

Now you can see why this happens, just from a physical point of view. The back end of a Volvo station wagon is so large and so vertical and so square that it makes a perfect billboard. If you put a bumper sticker on the back of your Volvo station wagon, that people behind you in line at the Starbucks drive-through, he or she is GOING to KNOW what your politicial preferences are. The back end of a Volvo is such an effective marketing tool that I'm a little surprised that Volvo doesn't have marketing deals to slap stuff on the back of those cars, kind of like NASCAR teams. Well, on second thought, it's Volvo, so I guess I'm not that surprised.

So, anyway, there are lots of Volvo station wagons with lots of bumper stickers around here. Usually, those bumper stickers say things like "Kerry Edwards 2004" (there are a lot of those still around), "Eat Vegan" and "Somewhere In Texas, A Village Is Missing Its Idiot." But, one day, walking out of my gym through the parking lot to my car, I saw something on the back side of a Volvo station wagon that was so shocking that I basically stopped in my tracks and wondered if something had happened to the space-time continuum.

What I saw was this: a Volvo station wagon with a NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION bumper sticker on the back. What the hell?!?

Boy was that confusing. It was like that time I read a quote in the paper from Richard Nixon, in which he said something like, "If we had had rap when I was growing up, I think I might have been good at that." What?!? I mean, if Volvo people can belong to the NRA, what's next? Hybrid Harleys? Tofu tri-tip? Cats and dogs co-existing in peace?

Of course, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised. When I was a kid, we had a dog that started nursing kittens. No lie, I think there are still pictures.