Scenes From The Airport

Spent some time in the airport this week. Among other things:

1. Missed an earlier flight home by 10 minutes due to a missed freeway turn and spent another three hours at the airport.

2. Security took my 5.1-ounce tube of Neutrogena shaving lotion and threw it away, while allowing me to keep about six travel-size bottles of shampoo, toothpaste, hair gel and other grooming substances because they each were under 3.4 ounces. That 1.7 ounces per bottle apparently threatens our national security. If you keep liquid explosives in SEPARATE 3.4-ounce bottles, well, that’s no problem.

3. Turned on my laptop, almost instantly identified a wireless network named “Free Public WiFi” and almost just as instantly discovered that my laptop could not connect to that network. Asked the guy at the horrendously-overpriced airport bakery where I bought a cookie if there was Internet access in the airport and was told “no.”

4. Overheard the single rudest one side of a telephone conversation that I have ever heard. To start, this was in the restroom and the caller was using the facilities. The sit-down facilities. The conversation then went something like this: “I hate when rude b**ches give me s**t like that . . . . s**t, she’s too far away to give me p***y anyway.” Click. Flush.